9 Self Improvement Tips for People Who Want Real Change

How long does it take to build a new habit? You’ve probably heard 21 days. It’s a nice, tidy number, and it doesn’t hold up very well.

In 2010, psychologist Phillippa Lally and her colleagues published a study in the European Journal of Social Psychology that looked at habits as they formed in real life. They asked 96 volunteers to pick one eating, drinking, or activity behavior and do it every day in the same situation, like “after breakfast,” for 12 weeks. Every day, the volunteers rated how automatic the behavior felt. Of the 82 people who provided enough data, the estimated time to reach 95 percent of their peak automaticity ranged from 18 to 254 days. The average was about 66 days. The 254 figure was an estimate, since the study only lasted 84 days, and about half of the participants hadn’t reached a high level of automaticity by the end.

Two other findings matter just as much. The early repetitions produced the biggest gains, and missing one opportunity to do the behavior did not materially affect the habit-forming process. The researchers also reported that more complex behaviors seemed to take longer.

Some cautions. This was a fairly small study based on self-reports, and the behaviors were simple ones. I’m applying the ideas to self-improvement more broadly, and that’s my own extension. The nine tips below are built on what the study found. The ones that go beyond it are mine, and I’ll say so.

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1. Expect real change to take months, not weeks

The study found a range of 18 to 254 days, with an average near 66. That’s a wide spread, and most of us would be somewhere in the middle. Plan for months.

When I first tried to build a daily writing habit, I quit at week three because it still felt like work. I thought I was failing. I wasn’t. I was simply early in the curve. Knowing the range would have saved me a lot of doubt.

Try this: Pick one change you want, and write “this will take about three months” at the top of the page.

2. Start with one small behavior

Complex behaviors seemed to take longer to become habits in the study. So make your first step simple. “Drink a glass of water after brushing my teeth” is easier to automate than “eat better.”

You can always add more later. One small behavior, done daily, is a better start than a big plan you can’t keep. The size advice is mine, based on the complexity finding.

Try this: Choose one change, and shrink it to something that takes under two minutes.

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3. Attach it to the same moment every day

Volunteers in the study did their behavior in the same context each day, like after breakfast. Those who did it more consistently showed a better fit with the habit-forming curve.

Choose a cue you already have, like pouring your coffee, getting into the car, or closing your laptop. Doing the new behavior right after it gives your brain a reliable signal.

Try this: Finish this sentence: “After I ___, I will ___,” and use it tomorrow.

Real change is slower than we hope and more forgiving than we fear.

4. Show up every day in the first few weeks

In the study, the early repetitions produced the largest gains in how automatic the behavior felt. That suggests the first weeks matter most.

So try hard to keep it going in the beginning. Make it easy, put it in your day, and protect it. This isn’t about being perfect. It’s about giving the habit a strong start.

Try this: For the first two weeks, treat your new behavior as a daily appointment, and put it on your calendar.

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5. Don’t panic if you miss a day

Here’s the most freeing finding. Missing one opportunity did not materially affect the habit-forming process. One slip isn’t a reset.

Last spring, I skipped three days of a morning walk because of a cold. I’d have called the whole thing ruined in the past. Instead, I just started again, and it didn’t feel like starting over. The study supports this, and your experience may vary.

Try this: Decide in advance what you’ll do after a miss: “I’ll do it the next day, no makeup needed.”

6. Keep it simple until it feels automatic

Because complex behaviors took longer, resist the urge to stack on extras. Keep the habit as it is until it feels almost automatic. Then you can build on it.

It’s tempting to add things when you’re feeling good. Give the first habit time to settle. That patience is the part I most wish I’d learned sooner.

Try this: Hold your habit steady for at least a month before you add anything new.

7. Rate how automatic it feels, once a week

The researchers measured how automatic each behavior felt, using daily ratings. You can do a simple version. Once a week, rate your habit from 1 to 10 on how much you have to think about doing it.

Watching the number move is encouraging, since progress can be hard to see. This tracking idea is my own version of what the researchers did.

Try this: Write “how automatic does this feel?” on your calendar every Sunday, and note a number from 1 to 10.

8. Make it smaller if it isn’t sticking

If a month goes by and the habit still takes a lot of effort, don’t blame yourself. Shrink it or change the cue. Walk for five minutes instead of twenty. Do it at a different point in the day.

About half the people in the study hadn’t reached a high level of automaticity by day 84, so a slow start is common. Adjusting the plan is a smart move, not a failure. That advice is mine.

Try this: If your habit still feels hard after four weeks, cut it in half and keep going.

9. Keep going past the plateau, and mark the milestones

Habits rise quickly and then level off. The curve in the study flattened as the behaviors became automatic. When your habit gets there, it’s worth noticing.

Celebrate in a small way, and then choose your next change. If you feel stuck in patterns that are hurting you, and habits alone don’t seem to be enough, please talk with a doctor or a licensed mental health professional. Change is easier with support. That’s my caution, not a finding.

Try this: When your habit feels automatic, write down the date and pick your next small change.

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