Self-Care for Perfectionists: 14 Practices to Embrace Good Enough
Perfectionism promises excellence but delivers exhaustion, anxiety, and paralysis. These 14 practices will help you release impossible standards, embrace “good enough,” and finally experience the peace that perfectionism never provides.
Introduction: The Perfectionism Trap
Perfectionism is a lie that feels like virtue.
It tells you that if you just try harder, work longer, and refuse to settle, you will finally be enough. It promises that perfect performance leads to acceptance, love, and freedom from criticism. It whispers that high standards are what make you successful, that anything less than the best is failure.
But look closely at what perfectionism actually delivers: chronic stress, perpetual dissatisfaction, procrastination disguised as preparation, and the inability to enjoy any achievement because there is always something that could have been better.
Perfectionism is not a strength—it is a cage. It keeps you trapped in a cycle of striving without arriving, working without resting, achieving without ever feeling like it was good enough. The goalposts always move. The standards always rise. Peace never comes.
The cruelest irony is that perfectionism often undermines the very success it promises. While perfectionists agonize over details, others ship their work and learn from feedback. While perfectionists avoid starting projects they cannot do perfectly, others make progress through imperfect action. While perfectionists burn out from impossible standards, others sustain long careers through self-compassion.
If you are a perfectionist, you already know the cost. The exhaustion. The anxiety. The way nothing is ever quite right. The difficulty accepting compliments because you only see the flaws. The paralysis when facing tasks you cannot guarantee doing perfectly.
This article is for you. It presents fourteen practices for releasing perfectionism and embracing good enough—not as settling for mediocrity, but as a path to greater peace, productivity, and paradoxically, better outcomes. These practices will not eliminate your desire for excellence (nor should they), but they will help you pursue excellence without destroying yourself in the process.
You have been at war with good enough for too long. Let us make peace.
Understanding Perfectionism
Before we explore the practices, let us understand what perfectionism really is and why it is so hard to release.
Perfectionism Is Fear in Disguise
At its core, perfectionism is usually driven by fear: fear of criticism, fear of rejection, fear of being seen as inadequate. The relentless pursuit of perfect is an attempt to be beyond reproach—to protect yourself from the judgment you fear.
But this protection is illusory. You cannot perfect your way out of vulnerability. No amount of flawless performance will guarantee acceptance or eliminate the possibility of criticism.
There Are Different Types of Perfectionism
Self-oriented perfectionism: Demanding perfection from yourself Other-oriented perfectionism: Demanding perfection from others Socially prescribed perfectionism: Believing others demand perfection from you
All three create suffering, but they manifest differently. Understanding your type helps target the practices.
Perfectionism Is Not the Same as High Standards
High standards are about pursuing excellence. Perfectionism is about fearing imperfection. The difference is crucial.
High standards say: “I want to do my best, and my best is good enough.” Perfectionism says: “Only perfect is acceptable, and nothing I do is ever perfect.”
You can release perfectionism while keeping your commitment to quality. In fact, releasing perfectionism often improves quality by reducing the anxiety that interferes with good work.
The 14 Practices
Practice 1: Notice Your Perfectionist Voice
The first step in changing any pattern is awareness. Noticing when your perfectionist voice is speaking allows you to respond differently.
How to Practice:
Pay attention to your internal dialogue, especially around work, appearance, relationships, and achievements.
Notice perfectionist language: “should,” “must,” “have to,” “not good enough,” “what if they think,” “I can’t let them see.”
Recognize the feeling of perfectionism: the anxiety about flaws, the inability to be satisfied, the constant measuring against impossible standards.
Give your perfectionist voice a name if it helps. Externalizing it creates distance.
Simply observe without immediately trying to change anything. Awareness itself begins the shift.
Why It Matters:
You cannot change what you do not see. Perfectionism often operates automatically, driving behavior without conscious choice. Awareness creates the space to choose differently.
Sarah started noticing how often she thought “not good enough.” “It was constant—dozens of times a day. Just seeing the pattern helped me realize how distorted my thinking had become.”
Practice 2: Challenge the Perfect Standard
Perfectionism assumes a “perfect” standard exists and that reaching it is both possible and necessary. Challenge both assumptions.
How to Practice:
When you notice yourself reaching for perfect, ask: What is the perfect version of this? Often you cannot even clearly define it.
Ask: Is perfect actually possible here? Most things—creative work, relationships, appearances, decisions—cannot be objectively perfected.
Ask: What would actually happen if this were “merely” excellent instead of perfect? Usually the consequences of good enough are minimal.
Ask: Whose perfect standard am I trying to meet? Often perfectionist standards are imagined projections, not real expectations.
Why It Matters:
Perfectionism loses power when you realize that the standard you are chasing may not exist, may not be achievable, and may not matter as much as you think.
Practice 3: Set “Good Enough” Criteria in Advance
Instead of undefined perfectionism, set clear criteria for “good enough” before you begin. When those criteria are met, you are done.
How to Practice:
Before starting a task, define what good enough looks like. Be specific: “This email is good enough when it clearly communicates the three main points.”
Write down your good enough criteria if it helps.
When the criteria are met, stop. Resist the urge to keep polishing beyond what you defined.
Notice the difference between necessary refinement and perfectionist over-engineering.
Why It Matters:
Perfectionism is often undefined—you just keep working until it “feels” perfect (which never happens). Defined criteria create a finish line that actually exists.
Marcus used to spend hours on presentations long after they were effective. “Now I define ‘good enough’ in advance: clear message, good visuals, practiced delivery. When I hit those marks, I stop. I’ve saved countless hours and my presentations are just as good.”
Practice 4: Practice Deliberate Imperfection
Deliberately doing things imperfectly builds tolerance for imperfection and proves that the feared consequences usually do not happen.
How to Practice:
Intentionally do small things imperfectly: send an email without rereading five times, leave a room slightly messy, submit work that is good but not polished to death.
Start with low-stakes situations. Build tolerance gradually.
Notice what actually happens when things are imperfect. Usually, nothing catastrophic.
Let the experience of imperfection without disaster update your beliefs.
Why It Matters:
Perfectionism maintains itself through avoidance—you never discover that imperfection is survivable because you never allow it. Deliberate imperfection provides corrective experiences.
Practice 5: Separate Self-Worth from Performance
Perfectionism often stems from tying self-worth to performance: if you perform perfectly, you are worthy; if you are imperfect, you are worthless. Separating these is essential.
How to Practice:
Notice when you are equating your work with your worth. “If this project fails, I am a failure” is this pattern.
Remind yourself: “My worth is inherent, not earned through performance.”
Practice self-compassion when you fall short. Would you tell a friend they were worthless because their work was imperfect? Do not tell yourself that either.
Find sources of identity beyond achievement: relationships, values, character, simply being human.
Why It Matters:
When worth and performance are fused, imperfection threatens your very sense of self. This is why perfectionism feels so high-stakes. Separating them reduces the existential pressure.
Practice 6: Embrace the Iterative Process
Perfectionism wants to get it right the first time. But most things improve through iteration—done, feedback, improved, repeat.
How to Practice:
Think of your work as drafts rather than finished products. The first version is supposed to be imperfect.
Ship or share work earlier than perfectionism wants. Get feedback. Use the feedback to improve.
Celebrate iteration as a feature, not a bug. “I can improve this later” is liberating, not lowering standards.
Notice how iterative work often ends up better than perfectionist work that never ships.
Why It Matters:
Iteration is how real excellence develops. Perfectionism that prevents iteration prevents actual improvement. Embracing the process paradoxically leads to better outcomes.
Practice 7: Limit Revision Time
Without limits, perfectionists will revise indefinitely. Setting time boundaries forces good enough.
How to Practice:
Before starting a task, decide how much time it deserves. Set a timer or deadline.
When the time is up, stop or ship—even if you could keep improving.
Distinguish between tasks that deserve extensive effort and those that deserve minimal polishing. Not everything requires your perfectionist attention.
Practice asking: “Is more time on this the best use of my effort?”
Why It Matters:
Time limits externally enforce what internal standards cannot: a stopping point. They also prevent the perfectionist trap of spending hours on tasks that do not warrant it.
Jennifer used to spend an entire day on emails that should take minutes. “Now I set a ten-minute limit for routine emails. When the timer goes off, I send. The emails are fine. Nobody ever noticed except me.”
Practice 8: Celebrate Progress, Not Just Perfection
Perfectionism only celebrates endpoints—and even then, it often finds fault. Celebrating progress shifts focus to the journey.
How to Practice:
Acknowledge steps forward, not just completion. “I made progress today” counts.
Celebrate what you did accomplish rather than focusing on what remains.
Keep a record of wins—including small ones. Review it when perfectionism says you have done nothing worthwhile.
Practice receiving compliments without deflecting them toward what could have been better.
Why It Matters:
Perfectionists often feel like they never accomplish anything because they only recognize perfect completion. Celebrating progress provides satisfaction that perfectionism denies.
Practice 9: Practice Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is the antidote to perfectionism’s harsh self-judgment. Treating yourself with kindness when you fall short undermines the perfectionist cycle.
How to Practice:
When you notice perfectionist self-criticism, pause. What would you say to a friend in this situation?
Offer yourself the same kindness: “This is hard. You did your best. Everyone makes mistakes.”
Remember common humanity: Everyone is imperfect. Struggle and failure are universal, not evidence of your unique inadequacy.
Practice mindful awareness of suffering without over-identifying with it. “This is a moment of struggle” rather than “I am a failure.”
Why It Matters:
Perfectionism is fueled by self-criticism. Self-compassion removes that fuel. When you treat yourself kindly in imperfection, the stakes of imperfection lower.
Practice 10: Examine the Cost of Perfectionism
Perfectionism often operates unexamined. Looking clearly at its costs can motivate change.
How to Practice:
Make an honest inventory: What has perfectionism cost you? Time spent over-engineering? Projects never started? Achievements never enjoyed? Relationships strained? Health sacrificed?
Ask: What would be possible if I were not held back by perfectionism? What would I try? What would I enjoy?
Consider the opportunity cost: While you perfected one thing, what else could you have done?
Let the true cost of perfectionism sink in. It is rarely worth what it charges.
Why It Matters:
Perfectionism sells itself as a path to success. Examining the real cost reveals it as more burden than benefit.
Practice 11: Redefine Success
Perfectionists often define success as perfect outcomes. Redefining success around effort, learning, and showing up creates more achievable goals.
How to Practice:
Before a task or project, define success in terms you control: effort given, skills practiced, learning gained.
After completion, evaluate based on your redefined criteria rather than perfectionist standards.
Include “good enough completion” as a success. Shipping imperfect work is a victory, not a failure.
Broaden success to include wellbeing. Working sustainably, maintaining health, and having peace are successes too.
Why It Matters:
When success requires perfection, success is nearly impossible. When success includes effort, learning, and completion, success becomes achievable and satisfying.
Practice 12: Build Tolerance for Criticism
Fear of criticism often drives perfectionism. Building tolerance means criticism loses its power to drive impossible standards.
How to Practice:
Expect criticism. Anything you create or do can be criticized—that is universal, not personal.
Distinguish between useful feedback and unhelpful criticism. The former can improve your work; the latter can be released.
Practice not taking all criticism as proof of failure. Some criticism is valid, some is not, and neither determines your worth.
Remember that avoiding criticism by being perfect is impossible anyway. Critics exist regardless of your performance quality.
Why It Matters:
If you could handle criticism, you would not need to be perfect to prevent it. Building tolerance removes the need for perfection as protection.
Practice 13: Rest Without Earning It
Perfectionism often dictates that rest must be earned through sufficient productivity. Challenge this by resting without justification.
How to Practice:
Take rest breaks not because you earned them but because you are human and humans need rest.
Resist the urge to complete “just one more thing” before resting. Rest on schedule, not on achievement.
Practice leisure activities without tying them to productivity. Fun does not have to be useful.
Notice if you feel guilty resting. Observe the guilt without obeying it.
Why It Matters:
Perfectionism ties even rest to achievement, creating endless striving. Resting without earning breaks this cycle and establishes that your worth is not performance-dependent.
Practice 14: Embrace Being a Beginner
Perfectionism avoids situations where imperfection is inevitable—like being a beginner. Embracing beginner status opens new possibilities and builds tolerance for imperfection.
How to Practice:
Deliberately try new things where you will inevitably be imperfect: a new sport, creative pursuit, language, skill.
Let yourself be bad at it. Enjoy the process rather than the result.
Notice that being a beginner is actually fun when you release perfectionist expectations.
Remind yourself that everyone who is good at something was once bad at it. Imperfection is the path to skill.
Why It Matters:
Perfectionism shrinks your life by limiting you to what you can already do well. Embracing beginner status expands possibilities and proves that imperfection is survivable and even enjoyable.
Building Your Anti-Perfectionism Practice
You do not need all fourteen practices at once. Start with what addresses your biggest perfectionism pain points:
If you cannot start things: Practice 4 (Deliberate Imperfection), Practice 6 (Iterative Process) If you cannot finish things: Practice 3 (Good Enough Criteria), Practice 7 (Limit Revision Time) If you are always self-critical: Practice 9 (Self-Compassion), Practice 5 (Separate Worth from Performance) If you avoid challenges: Practice 14 (Embrace Beginner Status), Practice 12 (Tolerance for Criticism)
Build gradually. Releasing perfectionism is itself a process that does not need to be done perfectly.
20 Powerful Quotes on Perfectionism and Self-Acceptance
- “Done is better than perfect.” — Sheryl Sandberg
- “Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order.” — Anne Wilson Schaef
- “Have no fear of perfection—you’ll never reach it.” — Salvador Dalí
- “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.” — Brené Brown
- “The perfect is the enemy of the good.” — Voltaire
- “Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life.” — Brené Brown
- “Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from taking flight.” — Brené Brown
- “You don’t have to be perfect to be amazing.” — Unknown
- “Almost all good writing begins with terrible first efforts.” — Anne Lamott
- “A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week.” — George S. Patton
- “Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” — Marilyn Monroe
- “Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” — Leonard Cohen
- “Progress, not perfection.” — Unknown
- “You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously.” — Sophia Bush
- “Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people.” — Anne Lamott
- “Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.” — Harriet Braiker
- “To escape criticism: do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” — Elbert Hubbard
- “The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” — Anna Quindlen
- “Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.” — Confucius
- “Perfectionism is the enemy of creation.” — John Updike
Picture This
Imagine yourself one year from now. You have been practicing releasing perfectionism, and something profound has shifted.
You start things now. Projects that would have languished in planning forever now begin imperfectly and improve through iteration. You have learned that starting imperfect beats not starting at all.
You finish things now. When good enough criteria are met, you stop. The endless polishing has ended. You are more productive because you actually complete things rather than perfecting them indefinitely.
You enjoy your accomplishments. When you finish something, you feel satisfaction rather than immediately finding flaws. Compliments land rather than bounce off. Success finally feels like success.
You are kinder to yourself. When you fall short, self-compassion meets you rather than self-criticism. The harsh perfectionist voice has softened. You are still driven, but no longer tortured.
You try new things. Being a beginner no longer feels threatening. You pursue interests without needing to be good at them immediately. Your life has expanded into territories perfectionism had blocked.
You rest without guilt. Leisure is no longer something to be earned through sufficient achievement. You take breaks because you are human, not because you have done enough.
This is what releasing perfectionism creates. Not lower standards but more sustainable striving. Not mediocrity but healthier excellence. Not giving up on quality but giving up on the impossible and the self-destructive.
Good enough is not settling. It is sanity. It is freedom. It is peace.
And it has been available all along.
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Disclaimer
This article is for informational and inspirational purposes only. It is not professional psychological or therapeutic advice.
While perfectionism is common, severe perfectionism can be associated with anxiety disorders, depression, and other mental health conditions. If your perfectionism is significantly impairing your life, please consider consulting with a qualified mental health professional.
The practices here are general suggestions that many people find helpful. Individual needs vary, and professional support may be beneficial.
The author and publisher make no representations or warranties regarding the accuracy, completeness, or applicability of the information contained herein. By reading this article, you agree that the author and publisher shall not be held liable for any damages, claims, or losses arising from your use of or reliance on this content.
Good enough is enough. Start believing it today.
